It has been over six months since I last posted on this blog. Its not that I had nothing to say but that I had nothing I haven't already said. I was tired of writing about my issues, my broken marriage, my broken heart and my pain. After nearly 30 years of being married to the same woman and the mother of my five wonderful children, I suffered tremendously for almost three years battling to keep that marriage together. I have suffered broken bones, two legs at the same time from a hit and run in the Bronx when I was only 17 years old and I would take that pain any day over the pain of a broken heart. My heart didn't only hurt because I was loosing someone who was a part of my life for so long but also and most important, because my family was torn apart. People assume that just because your children are grown, that divorce does not affect them like young and under age children. The truth of the matter is that no matter the age, the pain of your parents breaking up hits home like an atom bomb at every age and any age.
God is really the only one who truly knew my pain and suffering. the only One who I was able to trust and confide in. I had hope and I wished and I also did a whole lot of praying for my marriage and for my then spouse. My prayer, wish and hope was that God would fix it all and that divorce would not be an option and for me it wasn't. On many occasions one verse would either pop up when I read the Bible or it would just come to mind.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Along with one that I fought with for a long, long time. The problem kept escalating, the disrespect and lack of consideration for my feelings and the honor of marriage in the final year leading to October of 2008 just got out of hand. Just about everyday or every couple of days the Lord would give me or again it would just come to mind, Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, then with a contentious and angry woman
Its crazy but we don't always get what we hope, wish or pray for. God in his infinite wisdom knows what is best for us even if at the time of our trials and tribulations we do not see it.
I have learned that faith in God is not always having our prayers answered, its not always having what we wish or hope for. Faith is trusting God even when our entire world falls apart. God has asked us to trust Him in the midst of our troubles, when we don't see any way out, He already has an exit for us or an answer to our problem. Sometimes its not what we wish, hoped or prayed for but then again we are not God and we don't have to understand at the time.
Today I hate to say that I am divorce but I am not ashamed and I have no regrets. I can honestly say that I did everything God put in my heart to do, to love and be loved. God from the beginning told me that He hates divorce and that a husband is not to divorce his wife. God also ask me to love and to forgive, even infidelity because of that same sin, He had forgiven me. He ask me to take her back in with a forgiving and loving heart and with that I had no problem. I did not ask for a divorce but one was given to me, after four month of returning home satan was at work in her life and Proverbs 21:19 was in full play. The Bible tells us that we are not to divorce our spouse except for sexual immorality and only for that reason I sign and asked no question and put up no opposition this time around.
Today even though I didn't get my wish and my hope did not come true but I truly believe my prayers were answered. See I have peace in my life, I serve a God that saved my wretched soul and changed my wicked ways. Most of all He give me a free gift of salvation and my hope is Heaven and eternity in His presences.
I will end this today by saying that when we serve the Almighty God, the I AM, He always has something better for us. He gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding, His mercy and grace are new every single day. He forgiveness is never ending because His Love is so great to and for us. When we as humans go through so much pain and disappointment in a marriage, we can't imagine ever loving another human being again but God's love is so good that He repairs what is broken in our heart. When I was young and before I was married I fell in love with a beautiful young girl who I know loved me more then I loved her. We dated till she and her parents moved to Puerto Rico and even though we never officially broke up. we both went our separate ways. We both married others and had families. Ten or more years ago she was divorce from a husband who did to her as my spouse had done to me. Today I thank God that Dolores never remarried and not long ago we reconnected and are praying that if it is God's will, well the rest of this story is for another day. Please pray for us and we will do the same for you.
God bless .. Tbone out
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
If you don't talk, Together you don't walk
Learn 2 talk 2 the one your Hitch
When we are silent, we give illusion of a tale
that all is well, when it in truth it really smells
When we don't communicate, problems escalate
life's are shattered and families are scattered
When we fail to express, we negate to progress
especially if together, two never kneel and pray
When we ask not, we receive nothing for thoughts
and live a life, that we would have never brought
When we don't question, why expect what is sought
some things are learned and others in time are taught
When we don't even motion, we exist only in notion
and a relation is battered, like a small boat in the ocean
When we resist to utter, we cause the mind to flooder
and we comprise emotions, that make a heart to stutter
When two stop the chatter, they create themselves clutter
destroying mounts of good and what in life actually matters
With love, low tone N pitch, Learn 2 talk, 2 the one your Hitch
written by Tbone / atw of Jah
on 04.16.2009
13 “ Their throat is an open tomb;
With their tongues they have practiced deceit”
“ The poison of asps is under their lips"
14 “ Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”
15 “ Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16 Destruction and misery are in their ways;
17 And the way of peace they have not known.”
Romans 3:13-17
When we are silent, we give illusion of a tale
that all is well, when it in truth it really smells
When we don't communicate, problems escalate
life's are shattered and families are scattered
When we fail to express, we negate to progress
especially if together, two never kneel and pray
When we ask not, we receive nothing for thoughts
and live a life, that we would have never brought
When we don't question, why expect what is sought
some things are learned and others in time are taught
When we don't even motion, we exist only in notion
and a relation is battered, like a small boat in the ocean
When we resist to utter, we cause the mind to flooder
and we comprise emotions, that make a heart to stutter
When two stop the chatter, they create themselves clutter
destroying mounts of good and what in life actually matters
With love, low tone N pitch, Learn 2 talk, 2 the one your Hitch
written by Tbone / atw of Jah
on 04.16.2009
13 “ Their throat is an open tomb;
With their tongues they have practiced deceit”
“ The poison of asps is under their lips"
14 “ Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”
15 “ Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16 Destruction and misery are in their ways;
17 And the way of peace they have not known.”
Romans 3:13-17
Friday, April 10, 2009
Expect from God 4 everything
Expectations
In my mind at times I can and do not foresee
the goodness and blessings, God has in store for me
I know my life will be, as my thoughts conceive
for as we think, so will God grant and we receive
Negativity tries to oppress, what I stride to perceive
making me aware of the things, I care not to achieve.
I must govern control of my mental endeavors
and never loose sight or let the enemy get clever
keeping in light, that God's promises are forever
Looking forward with hope, but back not never
changing views is no option today, tomorrow or ever.
Assumptions are to cheat, yet assurance a guaranty
producing what we speak, is Christ greatest quality
Waiting patiently Serene and doubting not His surety
for as we release our believe, so we cause His mobility
that what it is we ponder, also is the creation to reality
and that low expectations, only amount to ones futility.
Written by Tbone / atw Jah
on 04.08.2009
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
Ephesians 3:20
God Bless... Tbone out
In my mind at times I can and do not foresee
the goodness and blessings, God has in store for me
I know my life will be, as my thoughts conceive
for as we think, so will God grant and we receive
Negativity tries to oppress, what I stride to perceive
making me aware of the things, I care not to achieve.
I must govern control of my mental endeavors
and never loose sight or let the enemy get clever
keeping in light, that God's promises are forever
Looking forward with hope, but back not never
changing views is no option today, tomorrow or ever.
Assumptions are to cheat, yet assurance a guaranty
producing what we speak, is Christ greatest quality
Waiting patiently Serene and doubting not His surety
for as we release our believe, so we cause His mobility
that what it is we ponder, also is the creation to reality
and that low expectations, only amount to ones futility.
Written by Tbone / atw Jah
on 04.08.2009
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
Ephesians 3:20
God Bless... Tbone out
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Compromise
I have not posted or better yet have not wanted to post since Valentines Day for reasons I rather keep to myself just so I will not sound foolish. But I will say that for most who have read my blog and know how to read between the lines, then you must know that my marriage is in some what turmoil and has been for to long a while but that's my trial and also my tribulation for my past sins. today I thank God that I have learn to trust Him and that He knows everything. God I do know has a reason for everything that goes on in our life's and why He lets and has us go through certain episodes or experiences.
My wife I love and forgive because as the word of God says in Ephesians chapter 6 verse 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
and also the word of God in Ephesians 5:25 and 28 tells us husbands ........
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Believe I have loved my wife for over 30 years but nothing like I love her today that I have the love of Jesus in my heart. Far from perfect I have been even as a Christian I wish I had done some things differently.. I wish I had trusted God with my life a lot more but again all of our steps are directed by God and He already knew my mistakes long before I committed them..
Today I will end with a poem I wrote inspired from the teaching of my pastor on the topic of
Compromise
Oh how easy it must be, to walk away and bother not fight
for what is yours but most of all, for what is honor and right
Leave behind a lot of what you always loved and those you need
for the little that you want, you betrayed yourself for greed
because lust of the eye, is something you constantly have to feed
Never satisfied is bondage and by your own might can't be freed
for life produces a harvest, according to what you call your seed
Oh how easy you trade character, for a worthless reputation
judging yourself by your possessions, you have lost realization
thinking much of your pride, only brings you to false assumptions
That all is not vanity, is to live in a mind of serious contention
ignoring self allegations, because yourself you have mesmerized
loosing all sense of reason, your person, you have compromise.
written by Tbone atw/ JAH
on 03.09.2009
Inspired by the teaching of Pastor Bob
Calvary Chapel Ft. Lauderdale
on 03.07.2009
Tbone out... God Bless
My wife I love and forgive because as the word of God says in Ephesians chapter 6 verse 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
and also the word of God in Ephesians 5:25 and 28 tells us husbands ........
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Believe I have loved my wife for over 30 years but nothing like I love her today that I have the love of Jesus in my heart. Far from perfect I have been even as a Christian I wish I had done some things differently.. I wish I had trusted God with my life a lot more but again all of our steps are directed by God and He already knew my mistakes long before I committed them..
Today I will end with a poem I wrote inspired from the teaching of my pastor on the topic of
Compromise
Oh how easy it must be, to walk away and bother not fight
for what is yours but most of all, for what is honor and right
Leave behind a lot of what you always loved and those you need
for the little that you want, you betrayed yourself for greed
because lust of the eye, is something you constantly have to feed
Never satisfied is bondage and by your own might can't be freed
for life produces a harvest, according to what you call your seed
Oh how easy you trade character, for a worthless reputation
judging yourself by your possessions, you have lost realization
thinking much of your pride, only brings you to false assumptions
That all is not vanity, is to live in a mind of serious contention
ignoring self allegations, because yourself you have mesmerized
loosing all sense of reason, your person, you have compromise.
written by Tbone atw/ JAH
on 03.09.2009
Inspired by the teaching of Pastor Bob
Calvary Chapel Ft. Lauderdale
on 03.07.2009
Tbone out... God Bless
Saturday, February 14, 2009
May yours be a Happy Valentine
The Devil stole my Valentine
In the years gone by or the ones that have past
in my heart I truly believe, that you sincerely loved
me with all your heart, soul, body and mind
you proved it when you stood proudly by my side
somewhere along the line, the devil corrupted your life
Departed from God, forgot your objective and what’s right
with a spirit that's selfish, self-seeking and envious overnight
becoming Contentious, unhappy with me and always uptight
remembering not your family and of marriage lost sight
Its a shame that my love let the devil win, this one fight
for the battle against darkness, is won by turning to the Light
Emptiness is a plague that attacks and gives our soul no rest
unsatisfied with the little or the much that we are bless to possess
material things are the focus to happiness and living success
Spiritualism traded for immorality, just to please the flesh
mammon is a demon that destroys love and ends in stress
but Jah will save my Valentine, that's my faith not my guess.
written by Tbone / atw Jah
on 02.14.2009
10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10
20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.
Matthew 6:20
In the years gone by or the ones that have past
in my heart I truly believe, that you sincerely loved
me with all your heart, soul, body and mind
you proved it when you stood proudly by my side
somewhere along the line, the devil corrupted your life
Departed from God, forgot your objective and what’s right
with a spirit that's selfish, self-seeking and envious overnight
becoming Contentious, unhappy with me and always uptight
remembering not your family and of marriage lost sight
Its a shame that my love let the devil win, this one fight
for the battle against darkness, is won by turning to the Light
Emptiness is a plague that attacks and gives our soul no rest
unsatisfied with the little or the much that we are bless to possess
material things are the focus to happiness and living success
Spiritualism traded for immorality, just to please the flesh
mammon is a demon that destroys love and ends in stress
but Jah will save my Valentine, that's my faith not my guess.
written by Tbone / atw Jah
on 02.14.2009
10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10
20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.
Matthew 6:20
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Read and Write
I have been reading a lot more then writing as of late. There was a time in my life were reading was the last thing on my mind or on my agenda. First because I was not a good or even a fair reader. I thank God for the gift of being able to write because there was that same time when I could not write either. Anything that I ever had to write, a contract or a proposal my beloved wife or one of my daughters would type or write it for me.
When I gave my heart to follow the Lord Jesus Christ, He asked me to pick up pen and paper and start to write. I said Lord you know that I am not a writer, my spelling is horrible. This is why I give all the praise to God for everything that I write. God always knows what is our weakness and determines what gift to give us. Reason being, that in doing that, only He can get the Glory for what He has us to do. I have now been writing poetry and my life story for nearly three years. Also in the process of writing, my reading has improved 100% and I have also found a love for reading. With reading I have also found new knowledge and a lot of God's given wisdom. The Bible says that wisdom is from God and He gives it freely to those who of Him ask. I have found His wisdom in the reading of His word daily. I have found His friendship in prayer and will admit that I need and will do more of that(pray). I know and believe that God is always found at....
Kingdom's Place
I do not linger around worried or perplexed
at the events or the turns my life have taken as of late
I have faith and trust God, that He orchestrated this way
to give me peace and a joy, I can not with many words explain
I no longer cry but rather enjoy the moment of each new day
though I find myself alone at times, yet by my side He stays
where I walk, when I work, as I peddle and when down I lay
To rest all my fears, I have put at His throne when I pray
To God who is the potter and I am happy just to be the clay
molded into a vessel for His glory and to God all the praise
for clearly I am not worthy but His mercy is amazing Grace
I pray for that day when of the old me, there is not a trace
for my beloved, the truth to life and His way to Kingdom's place.
written by Tbone / atw Jah
on 01.15.2009
GOD BLESS .. Tbone out
When I gave my heart to follow the Lord Jesus Christ, He asked me to pick up pen and paper and start to write. I said Lord you know that I am not a writer, my spelling is horrible. This is why I give all the praise to God for everything that I write. God always knows what is our weakness and determines what gift to give us. Reason being, that in doing that, only He can get the Glory for what He has us to do. I have now been writing poetry and my life story for nearly three years. Also in the process of writing, my reading has improved 100% and I have also found a love for reading. With reading I have also found new knowledge and a lot of God's given wisdom. The Bible says that wisdom is from God and He gives it freely to those who of Him ask. I have found His wisdom in the reading of His word daily. I have found His friendship in prayer and will admit that I need and will do more of that(pray). I know and believe that God is always found at....
Kingdom's Place
I do not linger around worried or perplexed
at the events or the turns my life have taken as of late
I have faith and trust God, that He orchestrated this way
to give me peace and a joy, I can not with many words explain
I no longer cry but rather enjoy the moment of each new day
though I find myself alone at times, yet by my side He stays
where I walk, when I work, as I peddle and when down I lay
To rest all my fears, I have put at His throne when I pray
To God who is the potter and I am happy just to be the clay
molded into a vessel for His glory and to God all the praise
for clearly I am not worthy but His mercy is amazing Grace
I pray for that day when of the old me, there is not a trace
for my beloved, the truth to life and His way to Kingdom's place.
written by Tbone / atw Jah
on 01.15.2009
GOD BLESS .. Tbone out
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
I hate 2 Dream
Dreams
I hate for my mind to wander, when my body is asleep
I know that I get no rest, I wake and feel I am not at ease
to God I pray and plead, what is it You want from me?
Two or three hours is not enough, but just a tease
I rise and my thoughts I find, that I need to release
I muse about the one that I dearly love and miss
I think, what did I do to have no one, before bed to kiss
one who is constantly in my head, before each day I dismiss
Day visions I have, of a greater future in Christ Jesus
free of the every day rut, in time I know will come soon
Reveries will materialize, as the sun by day and night the moon
they are as real as the twilight stars, I see outside my room
Some are nightmares, myself I wake before they end in doom
sitting on the edge, I find I am momentarily in a state of gloom
To Heaven I look so that my mind, may play a different tune
of God I request, that incubus evil, He would instantly prune
away with all that plagues my Blues, her heart and my dreams
written by Tbone / atw JAH
on 11.06.2008
I hate for my mind to wander, when my body is asleep
I know that I get no rest, I wake and feel I am not at ease
to God I pray and plead, what is it You want from me?
Two or three hours is not enough, but just a tease
I rise and my thoughts I find, that I need to release
I muse about the one that I dearly love and miss
I think, what did I do to have no one, before bed to kiss
one who is constantly in my head, before each day I dismiss
Day visions I have, of a greater future in Christ Jesus
free of the every day rut, in time I know will come soon
Reveries will materialize, as the sun by day and night the moon
they are as real as the twilight stars, I see outside my room
Some are nightmares, myself I wake before they end in doom
sitting on the edge, I find I am momentarily in a state of gloom
To Heaven I look so that my mind, may play a different tune
of God I request, that incubus evil, He would instantly prune
away with all that plagues my Blues, her heart and my dreams
written by Tbone / atw JAH
on 11.06.2008
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