It has been over six months since I last posted on this blog. Its not that I had nothing to say but that I had nothing I haven't already said. I was tired of writing about my issues, my broken marriage, my broken heart and my pain. After nearly 30 years of being married to the same woman and the mother of my five wonderful children, I suffered tremendously for almost three years battling to keep that marriage together. I have suffered broken bones, two legs at the same time from a hit and run in the Bronx when I was only 17 years old and I would take that pain any day over the pain of a broken heart. My heart didn't only hurt because I was loosing someone who was a part of my life for so long but also and most important, because my family was torn apart. People assume that just because your children are grown, that divorce does not affect them like young and under age children. The truth of the matter is that no matter the age, the pain of your parents breaking up hits home like an atom bomb at every age and any age.
God is really the only one who truly knew my pain and suffering. the only One who I was able to trust and confide in. I had hope and I wished and I also did a whole lot of praying for my marriage and for my then spouse. My prayer, wish and hope was that God would fix it all and that divorce would not be an option and for me it wasn't. On many occasions one verse would either pop up when I read the Bible or it would just come to mind.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Along with one that I fought with for a long, long time. The problem kept escalating, the disrespect and lack of consideration for my feelings and the honor of marriage in the final year leading to October of 2008 just got out of hand. Just about everyday or every couple of days the Lord would give me or again it would just come to mind, Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, then with a contentious and angry woman
Its crazy but we don't always get what we hope, wish or pray for. God in his infinite wisdom knows what is best for us even if at the time of our trials and tribulations we do not see it.
I have learned that faith in God is not always having our prayers answered, its not always having what we wish or hope for. Faith is trusting God even when our entire world falls apart. God has asked us to trust Him in the midst of our troubles, when we don't see any way out, He already has an exit for us or an answer to our problem. Sometimes its not what we wish, hoped or prayed for but then again we are not God and we don't have to understand at the time.
Today I hate to say that I am divorce but I am not ashamed and I have no regrets. I can honestly say that I did everything God put in my heart to do, to love and be loved. God from the beginning told me that He hates divorce and that a husband is not to divorce his wife. God also ask me to love and to forgive, even infidelity because of that same sin, He had forgiven me. He ask me to take her back in with a forgiving and loving heart and with that I had no problem. I did not ask for a divorce but one was given to me, after four month of returning home satan was at work in her life and Proverbs 21:19 was in full play. The Bible tells us that we are not to divorce our spouse except for sexual immorality and only for that reason I sign and asked no question and put up no opposition this time around.
Today even though I didn't get my wish and my hope did not come true but I truly believe my prayers were answered. See I have peace in my life, I serve a God that saved my wretched soul and changed my wicked ways. Most of all He give me a free gift of salvation and my hope is Heaven and eternity in His presences.
I will end this today by saying that when we serve the Almighty God, the I AM, He always has something better for us. He gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding, His mercy and grace are new every single day. He forgiveness is never ending because His Love is so great to and for us. When we as humans go through so much pain and disappointment in a marriage, we can't imagine ever loving another human being again but God's love is so good that He repairs what is broken in our heart. When I was young and before I was married I fell in love with a beautiful young girl who I know loved me more then I loved her. We dated till she and her parents moved to Puerto Rico and even though we never officially broke up. we both went our separate ways. We both married others and had families. Ten or more years ago she was divorce from a husband who did to her as my spouse had done to me. Today I thank God that Dolores never remarried and not long ago we reconnected and are praying that if it is God's will, well the rest of this story is for another day. Please pray for us and we will do the same for you.
God bless .. Tbone out