Monday, October 20, 2008

Confessions and Testimony of a sinner

Today I have made a conscience and by faith a decision to start writing my story .. who I was and who God has made me .. I said a few posts ago that I was going to start posting some of my writing of my personal story ,, my personal trial and tribulation that I experience when God called me to repent .. A time in my life when I was lost and thank God, that He came looking for and found me .. in my darkest moment He had mercy on me ..

About thirteen years ago was the first time that I can remember, God came to my rescue and sadly to say I turned Him down, I lived in a brand new house with my beloved wife and our five children .. My wife and I had backslide after serving God for several years and being leaders of young people .. my wife was a missionettes leader and I was a Lt. commander in the Royal Ranger for the Assemblies of God .. about a year latter we were facing foreclosure and during this period God did not allow me to sleep for fourteen days .. those days I experienced very heavy demonic oppression .. just like those of us who have claims to hearing the voice of God speaking to us .. well the weasel(satan) also will speak to you if you let him .. and most do in their lowliest of times .. that time in your life when you are weak and vulnerable, when nothing you do works, your business is going under, all small children looking at you going crazy and total loosing it and everything around you disappearing .. during those days .. especially those fourteen days I knew who God was and I also knew that if I would have turned to Him, He would have taken care of me and my family .. I remember telling Him to leave me alone and let me sleep .. and that's one thing God will always do and that is to give us freedom of choice .. God will not impose His will on us if we do not open the door of our heart for Him to enter ..

Ten years or so went by and life got back some what on track .. with a lots of ups and downs in our marriage as it is with most marriages who do not live in the comfort of our God .. then on May 18. 2006 that same oppressor attract my family, my marriage with a vengeance .. the Bible says that he comes to destroy and devour .. but thank God He comes in our hour of need to save and protect those He has called to be His children .. those which He has a purpose to do His will and for Him do a service .. that ugly day in may 2006 my beloved wife left for work as she did every morning. A few hours latter my one daughter who was living with us and raising my granddaughter in our home, called to tell me that my beloved wife and best friend had come come, pack and left.

Two days went by and all of my children had come together at my home to see and figure out what could be done to patch their family back together. my beloved wife was angry at the world and specially at me. for years I allowed my children who at this point were all grown up to live in my home and also to live as they wanted. both them and I lived in more sin then God could put up with. I have said it in the past that I had been raised in a Christian home and that still today my parents are pastors of a small Pentecostal church. Since my child hood and about the age of about fifteen I became very rebellious and stop walking in the path that my parents had taught me. even after a terrible car accident which left me with two broken legs, I still did not turn my heart to Christ and that is after also promising God that if I walked again I would serve Him.

On that second day after my beloved wife walk out on me, leaving behind 26 or more years of marriage, I left all my children and grandchildren to go and commit suicide. that Saturday morning I left and after driving hundreds of mile, I stop, rented a motel room were I was about to end my life. funny how God uses the person we most trust to call us back and that person at *:13pm called me. On the other end of the phone was my wife and for three hours cried and talked me into returning home. How I made it back and drove that hundred miles back is still a mystery to me today.

That same night May 20, 2006 around mid-night I gave my heart to Jesus and said do with me as you please. talk to me and I will follow. The day my beloved left, that same feeling from ten or so years ago was back and I knew that God wanted to take me on a personal journey. I also knew and accepted that fact that I would be awake for many, many days. I know today and have experience what Moses and many other servants of God in the old Testament went through when God would send them to the mountain for forty day. that night I made a promise to God that for my salvation and for the salvation of my wife I would not only do the forty days for myself but that I would do forty for my beloved wife. Today I am a little sad to say that my wife still wants nothing to do with God and that she once again has chose to be out on her own. Today it seems that the closer I try to get to God the further she wants to be from me.

I see in my life today many characters from the Bible. In my wife the hardening heart of the children of Israel and Pharaoh, who's heart Got hardened 10 or so times. In my self and in my writing I see the poetry of the prophets and there inspiration from God. I spent those 80 days in the presence of Jesus and our Father in Heaven. this gift to write, to write poetry could only have come from God, because as I have posted in the past, I myself was never able to spell or write anything and for this gift it is only God could get that Glory. I will leave it here for today and I ask all who read that God dose for my wife the same as He has done in me. I will soon start to post day by day the first forty days and what God showed and taught me. I believe that any man who is or is going to marry will benefit from what I am about to post.

God bless.. Tbone out

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